The Lesson of the Pinholes

I was at a party one time with lots of my closest friends.  We had a table filled with food, drinks, paper plates, and bright red plastic cups.  As I walked around the table, I filled my plate with food.  I then picked up some kind of drink and one of those plastic cups and filled it the brim.  I grabbed a napkin and a fork, looked around the room for a place to sit, and then picked up the cup.  As I did, it began dripping liquid all over the place.  My hands were full and the table was already stained with the drink.  I had a momentary lapse in judgment and instead of putting my cup into another one, I rushed to the sink, leaving behind a trail of liquid all over the floor.  I emptied the cup into the sink and then turned it upside down to investigate.  I already knew what the problem was, but I wanted to take a closer look.  Of course, my cup had a hole in it.  I am thinking that this hole is about the size of a dime considering the amount of liquid that came rushing out of it.  Upon closer inspection however, I discover that the hole is actually about the size of a pinhole.

How can this be?  Surely I am mistaken.  The hole has to be much bigger than that.  My cup was almost empty when I dumped it into the sink.  A pinhole couldn’t possibly do that.  Never the less that is exactly what happened.  Considering what a pinhole did to my cup and its contents, I began translating that into my life.  I have learned the lesson of the pinholes.  

Life is amazing.  There is not a person who hasn’t witnessed something truly miraculous in their lifetime.  Maybe it is the birth of a baby.  It could be an amazing sight in nature.  Suppose it is a car wreck where everyone walks away when they shouldn’t.  It might even be the words I love you from someone you thought that you would never hear it from.  I am always amazed at the experiences that are offered to every person.  Some are wonderful and others are tragic, but each experience places its mark on the person experiencing it.  Most of us walk through life doing more than surviving.  We find bits of happiness, joy, and laughter.  We also find bits of sadness, sorrow, and despair.  I like to call these unpleasant parts, pinholes.

Isn’t it crazy how the sadness, sorrow, and despair can take over every rational thought that you have.  It can consume you.  These times place tiny holes into the person that you are.  We are kind of like a pincushion.  Someone says something that hurts your feelings and you feel the pin pushing its way in.  You are overlooked for your achievements and you feel another prick of the pin.   Someone you love looks at you and tells you that you aren’t enough and once again you feel a pin.  You walk down the street and look over to see someone else with what you want and guess what another pin slips through.  Over time, your life is filled with little pinholes.  Knowing what the pinhole did to the liquid in my cup, imagine what the pinholes in your life will do.  You begin leaking out.  These holes in your life cause disruption and grief.  They bring longing and anguish.  You wrap your arms around your life and brace yourself for the next onslaught of pins.  In other words, you get prepared.

While you spend time preparing, you also spend time trying to fix the holes.  Some holes close with time, some remain small, but some of them get bigger and bigger until they seem too big to ever be filled.  You try to fix the holes with something.  For some people, it's the use drugs and alcohol.  Others use a man or a woman.  Some find work will fill the empty spaces.  Many fill the holes with things, others with food.  See these holes have left you feeling incomplete.  You feel like you aren’t enough and you have to find a way to fix that.  We all want to be enough.  We all want to be considered.  We all desire to love and be loved.   We all have wants and needs and we find ways to get them met.  We also look for instant gratification.  We can’t stand to wait and pray through.  We want to feel better right now.

Any Christian will tell you that the hardest part of being a Christian is letting God be God.  Letting Him have complete control of your life and trusting that He will see you through.  I have watched God heal people from cancer.  I have seen Him give children to those who thought they couldn’t.  I have even known that He was with me in times of grief.  However, there are still pinholes in my life and because of them I feel like I have failed in so many ways.  If I were living well enough or doing enough, God would deliver me.  He would fill all of my holes and then I would feel complete.  Why then do I still seek other things to fill me?  Why do I still struggle with pinholes that have been in my life for years?  Why hasn’t God answered those prayers for me that I have prayed time and again?

I have no perfect answer, but this.  God’s timing is not mine.  He loves me unconditionally and wants what is best for me.  He cares enough to know my name and He understands every hurt that I have.  He is my deliverer and comforter.  He is the one that I need.  When you look at me, the best parts are Him.  I have asked the Lord for many things in my life.  All of which He answered whether I liked the answer or not.  He has blessed me with more than I will ever deserve and He continues to provide what no one else can.

So here I sit full of holes and once again I am asking God to fill them.  I know that He wants to fill me up with His goodness and love.  I know that when I let Him have control that He goes above and beyond what I ever imagined.  He has offered mercy.  He has offered forgiveness.  He has offered grace.  My prayer is that as I ask God for help that I will give Him time to work in my life.  I want Him to permanently fill the pinholes that life has left me with.  I want to know that I honor Him with my life and that when I let go and let God, He will do great things.

:o)