You're reading my blog?

I recently discovered that many more people than I thought are reading this blog.  It is so funny to think that I am in isolation when writing and sharing any information, but the truth be told there could be at least 461 people reading what I write.  (461 is the number of Facebook friends that I have and the only place that I publicize the fact that I have written something)  Anonymity sorta gives you a feeling like you are sharing your story, but that only a very limited number are actually reading it.  Sitting in my office at home gives me a feeling of being anonymous, when really I am not that at all.  Funny how my thoughts began to change when 3 people in 1 day told me that they had read this blog.  My first thought was oh goodness, should I have posted that?  It's easy to tell friends about troubles in your life or events that happen, and even funny to fill them in on craziness that comes your way, but when you post a blog you are sharing your story with so many more (possibly).  My next thought was I wonder what they think of me now?  Usually I walk around with a smile on my face and lots of laughter coming out of my lungs.  What can I say?  I am a happy person.  The credit for all of that is the Lord's.  However, there are times when it is much easier faking a smile than trying to explain a frown.  I have mastered the "poker face."

My last post was not jolly.  I know that most of my friends are used to the jolly person and I also know that my closest friends know there is much more to me than a quick smile and a loud laugh.  The funny part about this blog is that I forget that others are viewing my inner most thoughts.  Until recently, the posts were light hearted and funny because that is the best part of life.  Besides, my parents make great comedy (not on purpose) and I just want others to realize what "crazy" can look like.  So one of my readers told me that my last post made her cry.  I didn't know how to feel about that.  I don't want to make people cry over my writing.  I also don't want others to think that I am a Debbie Downer.  With that being said, I also want people to know the truth about me.

I want you to know that I am sad.  Sad about still being single.  Sad that I don't have children.  I'm struggling in a way that hurts way down deep and I am seeking answers and advice where ever possible.  Just know this, that I hope that my life continues to have lots of laughter and fun, but bare with me if it takes a slight downward slide.  I appreciate the comments that come my way and please let me know if you are reading.  There is just something about knowing that someone already knows your story that makes this intriguing.

:o|